Losing Herself: Surrender Read online

  Losing Herself: Surrender, Part 1

  By

  Alicia Roberts

  Losing Herself: Surrender, Part 1

  Copyright 2013 by Alicia Roberts

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental.

  Adult Reading Material

  Disclaimer: The material in this book is for mature audiences only and contains graphic sexual content. It is intended only for those aged 18 and above.

  ***

  Losing Herself: Surrender, Part 1

  ***

  When Emily Miller lands a prestigious internship at a hedge fund, she can’t believe her luck.

  However, Alpha Investments Ltd isn’t just any hedge fund – it’s owned by thirty-three year-old investor, Nathaniel Steele. Nate is known for his business acumen, and for his glamorous lifestyle.

  The powerful billionaire could have any woman in the world, and Emily can’t imagine him taking much notice of her. However, that all changes when Nate invites her up to his secluded private office…

  Emily is torn between her longing for Nate and her fear of getting hurt. Nate requires Emily to submit to him completely, and is surprised to find that she is more than a match for him in a battle of wits and will.

  Losing Herself is a 20,000 word tale of lust, surrender, passion, and of course – overpowering love.

  Chapter One

  The first three months hadn’t gone well.

  Emily had always dreamed of living in New York City, but now that she was actually living here, the reality failed to measure up to the dream. Instead of feeling successful and glamorous, she felt naïve and out of place, and as the days went by without her landing a proper job, she was beginning to feel like a failure.

  The only work she’d managed to find was a thankless, part-time waitressing job at a greasy diner. Fortunately, her parents back in Wisconsin had agreed to help her out financially for a while, until she got a full-time job, so she wasn’t homeless, yet. But not earning real money meant that she was always pinching pennies and stressed about expenses.

  Today, however, things were different.

  Today, she was here - Alpha Investments Ltd. And today would be a good day, today would change her life. She’d make sure of it.

  When the HR rep from Alpha Investments had called her a while back about an internship position, Emily had been surprised. But she’d aced her way through two group interviews, and a day-long interview with various different people.

  Now, two weeks later, she’d been called in for the final interview. Emily was surprised that she’d made it to the final round. She was sure there were candidates who were much more qualified than she was. But she was determined that no matter what, this internship position would be hers.

  After all, if she’d managed to come so far, why couldn’t she go all the way?

  ***

  “We’re looking for people with critical thinking skills,” the HR director said, “And from our conversation, I can tell that you’ve got those skills.”

  Emily flushed with pleasure. “Thank you, sir.”

  “Please, call me Jim.”

  “Of course. Thanks, Jim.”

  Emily wondered if she’d ever see Jim Walters again. He reminded her of George Costanza from Seinfield – short, balding, and good-humored. She thought the interview had gone well, but if it hadn’t, if she didn’t get the job, then she’d never see Jim again.

  “Thanks for your time,” Jim said, interrupting her thoughts and standing up.

  Emily followed suit and stood up too, and when he extended his hand, she shook it politely.

  “If you can just wait in Reception for a bit, Nate will be free in just a few minutes to talk to you,” he said.

  “Nate – Nate Steele?” Emily felt her heart stop beating, and the world stood still.

  Jim smiled. “Yes, he’ll be interviewing the final candidates to make sure they’re a good fit with our culture. He has the final say, of course.”

  “Yes, of course,” she murmured.

  After thanking Jim for his time, Emily left the room in a slight daze, and in the Reception area. As the minutes ticked by, her nervousness increased. So this was the final reckoning. It would all depend on what Mr. Steele thought of her.

  She found herself kicking herself for not doing more research on the man in charge of the company. Emily had read through articles and reports on Alpha Investments and the hedge fund industry in general. But when she’d Googled Nate Steele’s name, the articles that popped up were all about his personal life.

  There were articles gossiping about which celebrities he’d been spotted with, which actress he might be dating at the moment. There were articles speculating about who he was dating at the moment, and there were photos of him – tall, well-dressed, with dark hair and tan skin. His eyes were dark and speculative, and he looked intense and brooding. Emily couldn’t help but admire the man’s good looks, before clicking on a website called Steelemyheart.com. It turned out to be a forum where women posted – in great details – about what they would like Mr. Steele to do to them. Emily giggled and switched off her laptop nervously, trying hard not to think about her potential boss that way.

  Some of the women’s comments were very graphic and embarrassing. Emily wasn’t a virgin, but sex had never lived up to the hype for her. The boys she’d slept with had been awkward and fumbling, and the only time she had orgasms were when she used her new vibrator on herself.

  Although she’d read only a few posts on Steelemyheart.com, later that night Emily had vivid dreams about what she’d like Nate Steele to do to her, and she woke up in the morning flushed and wet and horny.

  After that, Emily decided not to research Nate. She knew deep down that sex with Nate would be like nothing she’d ever experienced before, and she didn’t want to fantasize about the man who might be her boss. But now, she regretted not knowing more about him.

  “Miss Miller?”

  The man’s voice broke her reverie and she looked up into the dark eyes of a barrel-chested man. “Yes?”

  “Please take the elevator on the right up to the 41st floor. Nate’s waiting for you.”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  Emily stood up, wishing her voice didn’t sound so shrill and nervous, and walked over to the elevator quickly. She didn’t want to keep Mr. Steele waiting. Nate. That’s what everyone called him – he must like to have a casual work environment.

  The elevator took a few seconds to go up, but it felt like an eternity to Emily. During this time, she reflected on how suave and sophisticated all the women here seemed. They wore designer clothing, and were perfectly groomed and coiffed. Their perfect suits made her own outfit – purchased on sale – seem cheap, shiny and unflattering. She’d done her best with her makeup this morning, but she felt like she wasn’t really up to the standard here.

  She stepped out of the elevator and walked into the small lobby. There were three doors – the one on her left had a nameplate that said, “Robert Jones, CTO,” the one on her right said, “Maurice Bernhardt, COO,” and the one straight ahead said, “Nate Steele, CEO”.

  Emily gulped. Suddenly, this was all very real. It was make or break time for her, and she looked at the pretty blonde secretary who sat at the desk in the lobby.

  “I’m Emily Miller,” she choked out, feeling like an intruder. “I was asked to come up and see Mr. Steele?”

  “Ye-es?” the blonde drawled, looked bored. She had perfect skin – or was it perfect makeup? – and long, perfectly blow-dried hair. Her eyes were a steely blue, her cheekbones were high
and her nose was perfectly-shaped.

  Emily felt ugly and awkward standing near her, and asked nervously, “Should I go in?”

  The receptionist’s eyes were cold and unfriendly, and she looked Emily up and down, taking in her off-the-rack suit and minimal makeup. Suddenly, she laughed shortly and said, “Sure. But I doubt you’ll live up to Nate’s standards.”

  Emily blushed furiously and walked determinedly up to the door. She knocked politely, and a male voice called out, “Come in.”

  Chapter Two

  The blonde receptionist’s taunt had thrown Emily off her game. She felt acutely aware of her Midwestern roots, of her lack of elegance and poise, and the plainness of her outfit. Why had she ever thought she’d fit in, in such a place? She felt as though that brief sentence had stripped her of her dignity, and she took a deep breath, trying to calm down and focus on the interview ahead of her.

  Emily opened the door and stepped into the room.

  She was immediately overwhelmed by the size and elegance of the corner office. On one side were floor-to-ceiling windows that afforded a beautiful view, and on another wall was an original Matisse. But what really took her breath away was the handsome man sitting behind the table, his eyes even more intense than she’d imagined. His gaze penetrated her soul, and a jolt of lightening ran down Emily’s spine and into her toes. She had the strange sensation that he knew she’d had an erotic dream about him, and that she wanted more than just a boss-employee relationship.

  Nathaniel Steele raised one amused eyebrow. “Don’t just stand there, come in.”

  Of course. She felt like such a fool. There was no way he could read her mind, or know about her erotic dreams.

  “Thank you,” she said, and walked quickly towards the table.

  Before she knew it, she was sitting down opposite him, and then she was kicking herself silently. Why had she thanked him? And why had she sat down before he’d offered her a seat? The man continued to look at her, an amused look on his face.

  They stared at each other in silence for what felt like an eternity. Nate looked amused, and Emily felt awkward and uncomfortable.

  Finally, Nate said, “Well, let’s get this interview over with. Might as well, since I’ve promised HR.”

  Emily gulped. Why did he sound so reluctant to interview her? She must have made a bad impression straight off the bat, and she wished she could turn back time and make a more dignified entrance.

  Stop it, she told herself. You still have a chance. Ace this interview, and the job is yours. You can charm the socks off this man, you can do it.

  Nate was looking at her silently, and Emily decided to give it her best shot. She smiled at him, trying to look sophisticated and charming, and said, “I’m very happy to be talking to you today, Mr. Steele.”

  Nate laughed, and Emily relaxed for a split second, until he said, “We haven’t begun the interview yet. How do you know it’ll be a happy one?”

  She frowned slightly. Nate Steele was dark and cynical, and she’d probably made a fool of herself by sounding naïve and hopeful. But it was too late to take back what she’d just said, so instead, she replied, “This is a great opportunity and it would mean a lot to me if I got the internship.”

  “Really? And why is that?”

  Nate’s eyes didn’t miss a beat, and Emily tried her best to explain. She began to reel off a list of reasons why Alpha Investments was such a great company, and what a wonderful opportunity it was for a new intern.

  “Stop.” Nate interrupted her halfway through the spiel, and Emily took a deep breath, trying not to admire the way his face reflected the light from the window. Nate Steele had broad shoulders, and his face was a symphony of hard, angular lines, tanned skin, and dark hair that fell just the right way.

  “You have a liberal arts degree,” Nate said, “We usually hire people with backgrounds in economics, finance, or mathematics – people who are interested in investment decisions. Why do you even want to work here? And don’t give me the usual bullshit, I need to know the truth.”

  Emily gulped and said, “I’m looking for a job where I can really contribute something to the company, and not just be an unthinking peon. Even though I don’t have a technical degree, I’m a logical thinker and I can analyze real-world situations properly. I do think my skills match up well with the job here, and I can see beyond what most quants see in investment opportunities.”

  Nate shook his head. “You’re just one of those girls who move to the big city, hoping it’ll be exciting and glamorous. This job – it’s just part of that plan. Any job would do, and personally, I think you’re better off looking for a proper job that’ll pay better money – not an internship that pays peanuts.”

  Emily hated that Nate had seen through her so well. But then again, why was she surprised? A man who ran such a successful company would probably have to be a good judge of character.

  “You’re right,” she admitted softly. “I did hope that New York would be exciting and glamorous. But you’re wrong that any job will do. I’m very loyal, and if I got this internship, I’d do my best – I’d work harder than anyone else, and I’d deserve the position more than anyone. I might be new to New York and still trying to settle in here, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’d be one of the best employees of Alpha Investments.”

  Nate’s face was unmoving and his expression didn’t give anything away. Emily held her breath, too scared to say anything more in case it was the wrong thing.

  Finally, Nate stood up and walked around the table. He stood next to her, just a few inches away. Emily stared down at her shoes, realizing that his belt buckle was almost at her eye level. She tried to keep non-professional thoughts out of her mind, but she couldn’t help wondering how it would be to reach out and … Stop it, she told herself, hoping that Nate couldn’t read her mind. She felt flushed and the scent of his oceanic cologne flooded her nostrils.

  “Look at me,” Nate said softly, and Emily raised her eyes, trailing them up quickly until she met his glance. He looked amused, as though he’d caught her checking him out. Had she been checking him out? He certainly had large hands, and the way he leaned casually against his desk implied an understated strength. She felt confused, and waited for him to ask her something.

  “Emily Miller,” he said, “You’re not what I expected.”

  She blushed, wishing she’d bought a more expensive suit, and maybe worn more makeup. She wished she wasn’t so unsophisticated, or at least, that she could hide it better.

  Nate held her gaze and said, “Stand up.”

  Emily tried not to gulp, and stood up. Nate dropped his eyes and let them travel down her body slowly, down her legs and then up again, until their gaze locked. Emily felt naked, as if he had x-ray vision and had just seen through her clothes. Or was that wishful thinking on her part? Her hands tingled, and she had a sudden need to be touched, to feel a pair of strong hands on her body.

  “You’re not what I expected at all,” he said, “And I really don’t think you should be working here.”

  The words weren’t unexpected. This interview had been a disaster from the start. Nevertheless, Emily felt her heart drop a thousand floors. It landed near her feet with a thud, and she tried to keep that hopeless feeling at bay.

  “I don’t agree,” she said, “I’d be really good at the job. I’m good at analyzing trends and –”

  “I’m sure you are,” Nate interrupted her, “But that’s not it.”

  “Please, Sir –”

  “I hate hearing you call me Sir.”

  Nate’s voice had darkened, and there was a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

  Emily gulped and said, “I’m sorry, Si – Nate. It’s just, I think I’d be good at the job.”

  “Task performance isn’t everything. We need people who’ll fit in with the company culture, and who I can work with comfortably.”

  The words stung, but Emily tried to fight back. “I can fit in with the culture.”


  “And you think I can work with you?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “From this interview – the impression I get, is that no, I can’t.”

  Emily stared at him, but before she could say anything, Nate said, “There’s no point wasting any more time, I have work that needs to be done.”

  He gestured at the door and Emily found her legs walking towards it and out.

  She ignored the snide glance of the blonde receptionist, and forced her mind to stay blank as she stepped on the elevator.

  Chapter Three

  Once she got home, Emily locked herself in the bedroom and then the dam broke. Tears streamed down her face, and it wasn’t just the interview that made her feel sad. It was the crushing of her hopes – for the past few days she’d really believed she was onto something. Even though the internship was for only six months and didn’t pay much, she’d planned do well at work and then be hired as a full-time analyst. She would finally be living the life of her dreams.

  Emily felt stupid for having believed in that dream. Obviously, it wasn’t to be. Nobody wanted to hire her, a rube with a liberal arts degree in a bad economy.

  She slipped off her shoes and lay down in bed, not bothering to take off her clothes. After all, it didn’t matter if they got wrinkled – they weren’t good enough to land her the job anyway. She crawled under the covers and after a while she got her tears under control.

  The stress of interviewing had caught up with her, and she began to feel drowsy. She had spent too long in the city, struggling and trying to be brave and optimistic. She decided that today she’d allow herself to indulge in a bit of self-pity.

  But before she could dwell on how terrible her life was, the memory of Nate Steele floated before her eyes. His face, angular and strong; the light playing off his features. Those eyes, dark and intense, boring into her soul. And of course, the raw animal presence that hid below his perfectly tailored suit.